You went way too hard, with the games, the proving of yourself. The analysis of dance – the conclusions I found over the futility of learning to point toes and kick with straight legs.
Dance is only useful when the movements can double as fighting techniques.
Out in the pits of human interaction I notice humor and sex usually grab attention. It’s hard to move around in a crowd, this is how I should demonstrate stealth, getting from one side of a room to another without spilling my drink. I proceed to comically weave between and around people’s yell-over-the-music conversations.
The not-so-gay gay guy who took me to this place keeps telling me how he has the hookup to the shitty bar we would have been incapable of entering otherwise.
It’s a microcosm for high school lunches, there are groups of people who whisper and laugh at me, others who adore my ridiculous behavior and see it for the mitigation to boredom that I try to use it for, and then there are people who don’t understand but are loyal to me because I listened hard or I’m hot – I don’t care for what I catch with ego feed.
Where is the boy who puts out scholarly articles the way a beauty queen puts up instagram posts?
My newer EX, the the perfectly cold goodbye he gave me taught me how to give goodbyes to what needs to be given goodbyes, such a necessary and painful lesson among many others I gained.
Goodbye to getting mind milked 8 hours a day under florescent light of a Walmart ruin. I feel bad for the friends I am leaving behind, guilty, they’re so precious with their manners, their wives, their doggies, their avocado trees, their consideration, and their pants.
Anthropological Magical Realism 