I’m going to leave this naked
meaning
In the spirit of this topic I’m not going to edit this
#nofilter
‘ ‘ ‘If I tell you, you won’t believe me, you may not rule me out, but nothing will change. You have to let me show you.’ ’ ’
Have you hear the quote “there are not intelligent people, there are brave people”. Bravery is what leads us to open a new book, think in a new way, explore a new language, understand what is unknown. Anf the resulting practice is what determines our aptitude in these areas. I was stunned in what seemed to be an inescapable fear of my reflection. After i wrote something, which I had no problem doing, I couldn’t handle the self disgust I’d feel in editing something produced form my mind. It had to be vile if it came from bme, innapropoiate and lacking of some essential but unspeakable ingrediediant for being a propper human. I wasn’t treated well in highschool, and the result was anbinnability to revise, learn from my mistakes, just fix the fucking typos. Who knew that your ability to revise and present your work in a formalised manner meant more to evaluation institutions than the concepts themselves. THis pattern continued thro9ugh out my career – typos in powerpoints, sloppy formatting, I can;t seem to remember or look up wher that one button for spacing in Microsoft word is (remebering buttons is also my downfall). One time I was working at a chinese owned LVAD med device company. They told me my writing perpetuated the “low quality” stereotypes associated with chinese products. How can I ever explain to anyone that it hurts to look at myself because I see my mistakes as way more gruesome than anyone elses and that because I’/m in reality not an idiot but a respected egineer, when I see somerthign a certain way it propogates as truth in the more submissive minds of those around me. I defame myself.
So I went back and read this paper on genetics I wrote back in my senior year of highschool. I didn’t know what research was, but I liked the idea of it. I was also very good at taking things that were already proven and doing stuff with them – the next big thing. As soon as I learned that viruses can inject their DNA into cells as a form of proliferating I came up with the idea to use this quality to cure genetic diseases (CRISpR), I thought if this in 2011 and promptly found out it had already been discovered. Me and my grade point average don’t get through the doors of established research.
So when it was that humiliating time of my life to get rejected by ten colleges because I never bothered to take an art requirement because I was already too good of an artist to need any training and any institution worth my time would recognise this, I thought the easisit way to exploit the system was to cold email a bunch of googled professors proof of my genetic ingenuity. To wikipedia I went.
Curing genetic disorders – someones already doing that. Curing HIV seems to be popular, but I was too young to feel comfortable claiming I could have the solution to such a serious disease. What about stopiing aging? That’s not contraversial or offensive, theres no lack of motivation there. I knew all the creative approaches: look a t age defying animals, look at fetal development, break things down to their basic components, lool at lolaclised regions of the body who would have need to develop age defying properties. If aging is caused by reapeated cell division, the shortening of DNA’s introns, then sperm cells must have found a way around this. Formed by pure thought, no reaserch yet, lets look into how spermcells can dived exponentially more than other cell types and not deteriorate. I’m your researcher. Take my money. Let me study and fuck in your localised oasis of brilliants. – Every porfeesor ghosted me. Reading my essay as an adult, its sandscrit. When your l0ong standing reputation for bad verbiage and reading comprehension translates to your GPA, you don’t have a lot of options in life – other than “let me show you”: Metaphors, drawings, the products of my hands, animation, trippy real world concocted examples, that’s the only way I could overcome my tendencies to get flustered and lose my voice, to survise in the world of science. Yesterday I found it – 10 years after writing it in low self-esteem high schooler speak. I found an article on how they located the process that allows for reproductive cells to defy aging.
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2022/07/220720121009.htm
I didn’t get to work on it of course, and I am no longer interested in genetics, but I waon’t stop until I find a way to allow myself and all the academic degenerates that were suppress by bullying, bad parents, neglect or anything else, to work on whatever intellectual bulshit they want.
My Attempt to Seduce Professors with my Genetic Prowess:
Note: Check out my startup: https://retla.squarespace.com
pass: why
I haven’t decided if I want to post this to my startup website, I think I will in the spirit of fuck-professionalism, but I want to decentralize design and redefine currency. It’s a little grandiose for my-taste (that taste being scribbling in notebooks for hours on end) but we got to spend our time doing something.
Edit:
Came across this gem of no-longer-have-to-fear-losing-my-value-to-75-percent-of-men-in-the-dating-game article https://hms.harvard.edu/news/loss-epigenetic-information-can-drive-aging-restoration-can-reverse
I’d like to add with all the assurance that I am equal to if not more valuable than Elon Musk as a leader, that if I were permitted entrance into a lab that studies this (back in my college days), I would’ve found this out with way worse grammar way faster.
Anthropological Magical Realism 